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‘OVER EASY VALENTINE’S’ [OC] (with ‘forever alone guy’, Joseph Erkhoff)

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- - - This is a comic strip - - - Joseph Erkhoff approaches Maria in a café, dressed as a huge egg. He’s holding flowers and chocolate and he’s going for it, nervously. Joseph : HEY HI, MARIA. ERRRM… I WANTED TO ASK IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE MY VALENTINE? Maria looks at him, unimpressed and uninterested. Maria: BEFORE I SAY NO, TELL ME WHY YOU’RE DRESSED AS AN EGG. Joseph starts wailing. Joseph : BECAUSE I DESPERATELY WANNA GET LAID!!! Maria turns her back on him and takes a sip of her drink. Maria: UH-HUH. AND I BET YOU’RE FULL OF PROTEIN TOO.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

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‘RANDOM FLUFF #48’ [OC]

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- - - This is a one panel comic - - - A couple of baffled men watch a zebra perform a strip act on a stripper pole on stage. Caption says: ACCIDENTALLY WENT TO A STRIPE CLUB.

“Und then ze bra came off,” said Gunther.

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‘RANDOM FLUFF #47’ [OC]

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- - - This is a slightly naughty one panel comic - - - A falcon is wearing a small leather hood and is tied to the glove of a falconer with leather straps. A parrot on a nearby perch has just asked a question (one that we didn’t get to see). The falcon answers, “NO. IN FACT, I LOOOVE THE LEATHER HOOD. IT CALMS ME. DADDY LIKES IT WHEN I’M CALM.” The falconer responds, “M’KAY… SOMEBODY JUST LOST THEIR TALKING PRIVILEGES.”

You’ll never look at falconry the same way again. 😉

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‘BARF O’CLOCK’ [OC]

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- - - This is a comic strip - - - We see an old-fashioned clock up close. A little door opens and a plank pops out with a drunk teenage girl on it who is on all fours and pukes. The girl disappears. The door closes. The girl pops out again and pukes. Then we zoom out and see a woman sitting under the clock with splatters of vomit on her. She complains to her husband “OK, IT’S 2 O’CLOCK AND I STILL DON’T LIKE THIS ‘DRUNK TEENAGE GIRL’ CLOCK, MATHEW.” Mathew responds “C’MON, GIVE IT ANOTHER HOUR.”

What happened to the old-fashioned cuckoo clock? 🤔

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‘RANDOM FLUFF #123’ [OC]

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- - - This is a one panel comic - - - A young boy is lying on the road, badly hurt and with his tongue twisted in the spokes of a bike. Not far away, the rider sits on the ground, bleeding from the face. The boy’s younger sister says: MOMMY SAID WE SHOULD NEVER LICK THE SPOKES OF PASSING BIKES!

The rules are there for a reason. ☝️😲

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‘CLUB CONTROL’ [OC] (An innocuous little webcomic)

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- - - This is a comic strip - - - In prehistoric times, a caveman attacks another caveman with a huge club. He bashes him straight on the head… But nothing happens, and they look at each other confused. He hits him on the side of his head, but again… Nothing happens. The victim smirks and says: “LEFT SAFETY ON?“ Annoyed, the attacker grunts: “SHUT MOUTH!“, as he fidgets with the safety on his club.

See. Not all my comics are about farts and sex. 😉

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‘RANDOM FLUFF #122’ [OC]

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- - - This is a one panel comic - - - A family in panic mode. Mom is hastily pushing the kids out the front door, while dad looks back at grandma, who slowly goes up the stairs. Grandma: CARBON MONOXIDE SCHMARBON MONOXIDE. I’M GONNA LIE DOWN. THIS HEADACHE IS KILLING ME.

Better grab gran gran. 🫢

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‘RANDOM FLUFF #121’ [OC]

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- - - This is a one panel comic - - - A man and a woman are staring disheartenedly at their very empty ‘BROKE AF’ jar.

You can’t have a jar for everything, I guess. 😕

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‘RANDOM FLUFF #120’ [OC]

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- - - This is a one panel comic - - - An old man is in the doctor's office and he hears the result of his recent health check. Old man: TERMINAL?!? BUT I CAN'T JUST DIE!!! MY LOCAL LIQUOR STORE DEPENDS ON ME!!!
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‘RANDOM FLUFF #119’ [OC]

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- - - This is a one panel comic - - - A scruffy-looking bum in tattered clothes sits under a bridge, writing on a piece of paper. Caption: EVERY POET KNOWS IT… Poet: * SIGH * RHYME DOESN'T PAY.

Yesterday I posted a comic about two aliens using a human as a strap-on dildo. Now I’m posting a little pun with a hint of melancholy, referring to a common woe of many creators. I’m all over the place. 🙃

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‘LOSING WEIGHT’ [OC]

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- - - This is a comic strip - - - A doctor pokes his finger into a man’s large belly. The doctor says: “Looks like obesity.” The man replies: “Aw fiddlesticks.” The doctor continues, wondering aloud: “Wouldn’t it be great if people could simply drop their fat reserves, just like lizards can drop their tail when feeling threatened?” The man answers enthusiastically that it would be great. The doctor muses: “I wonder… what if…” Suddenly, the doctor startles the man violently by putting on a frightening mask and roaring at him. The man’s belly fat falls off his body with a heavy thumping sound. Both men cheer in delight. It is then revealed that the panels above were only a fantasy. The doctor sighs and says it is such a shame, because it would have been a huge medical breakthrough. The man then turns his back to the doctor, and says “I did lose SOME weight though.”, revealing that his pants are soiled with wet poop. Again, the doctor wonders…

If only. 🙄

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‘BACKYARD SCIENCE’ [OC]

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- - - This is a comic strip - - - Lilith is sitting comfortably in her living room, drinking sherry and talking to a friend on the phone. Lilith: …SO EDWARD AND I WENT TO THIS LOVELY RESTAURANT AND … All of a sudden, everything turns negative. Lilith: OH FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE. Then, everything becomes oversaturated. Lilith gets up and walks out the backdoor. Lilith: HOLD ON, PATRICIA. Lilith walks purposefully through the backyard. Suddenly, gravity disappears for a few seconds and Lilith and objects around her float around. Something else changes and everything becomes spherical. Lilith rolls through the backyard. Gravity returns, stronger than ever. Lilith is squashed and she drags herself across the lawn. Trees bend. The moon’s orbit becomes smaller. The curvature of space changes, warping Lilith and the garden into a weird shape. The light’s refractive index gets out of wack. Lilith reaches the garden shed. Lilith opens the door. Her husband is doing some science experiments. Lilith: EDWARD! STOP MUCKING ABOUT WITH THE CONSTANTS OF NATURE! Edward: SORRY, DEAR.

He’s playing with forces he doesn’t understand. ☝️😤

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‘BIG QUESTIONS’ [OC]

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- - - This is a comic strip - - - Two figures are lying on a grassy hill in the countryside. It is a clear night and the stars are twinkling wildly. “HEY”, says Tim. “WHAT?”, replies Arnuph. “DO YOU THINK WE’RE ALONE?”, says Tim as he looks at the universe above him. “DUDE, ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?”, says Arnuph, slightly bewildered, for Arnuph is in fact an extraterrestrial alien. Tim looks at Arnuph seductively. “I MEAN ON THIS HILL.” “OH.”, says Arnuph bashfully. They kiss.

A lovely oldie from the archive.

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‘BEACH BODY’ [OC]

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- - - This is a comic strip - - - A chubby guy stands in front of the mirror and looks at himself. Guy: OK, ENOUGH OF THIS! The guy raises his fist. Guy: THIS YEAR, I’M GONNA PUT IN THE WORK AND GET THE PERFECT BEACH BODY! We enter a training montage: Trains his biceps Does wide armed, wide legged pushups Trains his pinch strength Pushes his eyeballs outward Prepares a chitin and calcium carbonate shake 6 months later we see him walking on the beach, looking like a crab. Girls are looking at him.
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‘DUNK ‘N DATE’ [OC]

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- - - This is a comic strip - - - Wilfred is trying to get a chat going with a girl on a dating app, but she immediately asks how tall he is. Annoyed, Wilfred says to himself: DAMMIT! WHY IS IT ALWAYS ABOUT MY HEIGHT? Then a guy rides by on a scooter and says: WHAT IF DATING APPS ARE SECRETLY SELECTIONS APPS, USED BY SCOUTS FOR THE NBA? Wilfred just stands there, bewildered.

I mean, what if…? 🤔

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‘RANDOM FLUFF #118’ [OC]

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- - - This is a one panel comic - - - It’s winter. It’s cold and snowy. Andy is walking his dog, Rover. Rover gets stuck with his tongue on a metal pole. Andy is desperately pulling on Rover’s leash, saying: OH NO! PLEASE DON’T BE STUCK! I GOTTA PEE REAL BAD! A caption says: THIS LED TO A SITUATION NEITHER ANDY NOR ROVER EVER TALK ABOUT.
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'HARD WASH' [OC]

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- - - This is a comic strip - - - A washing machine is quietly humming while washing a load of laundry. Then, the machine starts shaking and making slapping noises. [SLAP SLAP SLAP] Then it starts bouncing. [PUNCH PUNCH PUNCH] Then it starts hopping around. [STOMP STOMP STOMP] Then flames start to appear and the machine starts howling. [BAWOOOOOO….] A guy gets worried and asks what the machine is doing. His girlfriend answers: RELAX, IT’S GOING THROUGH ITS VICIOUS CYCLE.

Those spaghetti sauce stains are getting a serious pounding. 😎

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‘RANDOM FLUFF #117’ [OC]

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- - - This is a one panel comic - - - Two tumbleweed-like bushes are sitting on a bed. One is nervously trying to open the bra of the other. It doesn’t go well. He is fumbling. The caption says: THE AWKWARD REPRODUCTIVE CYCLE OF FUMBLEWEED.

C’mon, help the poor guy. 🥺

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‘A MYSTERY’ [OC]

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- - - This is a comic strip - - - Paige is staring intently into her laptop. You can almost hear her brain grinding. Scott, her boyfriend, enters the room. Scott: WHAT ARE YOU DOING, BABE? Paige: TRYING TO SOLVE A MYSTERY. Scott leans in and looks at what she is looking at. Scott: WHAT ARE WE LOOKING AT? Paige: EVIDENCE. Paige: I DON’T GET IT… Paige lifts the empty box (which looked like a laptop a second ago, sorry for the deception) up in the air. Paige: HOW CAN 36 CHOCOLATES DISAPPEAR IN JUST FIVE MINUTES? Scott shrugs overly innocently. Scott: BEATS ME!

A mystery we all had to deal with at least once.

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‘RANDOM FLUFF 116’ [OC]

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- - - This is a comic strip - - - Two krill, floating in the ocean. One krill: WANNA BE MY KRILL FRIEND? Other krill: NO SORRY, I HAVE KOY FRIEND. And the other krill shows off the huge koy carp next to her.

Here. Two dumb puns to ruin your Sunday with.

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‘RANDOM FLUFF #115’ [OC]

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- - - This is a one panel comic - - - While standing on a lookout point of the Grand Canyon, a woman asks her husband: “HONEY, DOES THIS GRAND CANYON MAKE MY ASS LOOK FAT?” The husband throws his hands up in defeat and sighs: “LYDIA, WE’VE BEEN OVER THIS!”

Dammit, Lydia.

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‘RANDOM FLUFF #45’ [OC] (oldie from the archive)

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- - - This is a one panel comic - - - Some lady is at an art exhibition and is impressed by a (objectively) ugly piece of artwork, cobbled together with stuff the artist had laying around in his shed. Lady: OH MY GOD, MR. ARTIST MAN! THIS IS BEAUTIFUL! WHAT STYLE IS THIS? The smelly, hungover artist: 'EASILY IMPRESSIONABLEISM.
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‘RANDOM FLUFF #46’ [OC]

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- - - This is a one panel comic - - - A caption says: AN ORIGAMIST AT HR… An older, Japanese man, is nearly in tears as he explains to HR that he just can’t handle all the paperwork anymore.

You have to know when to fold.

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‘LYRICS’ [OC]

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- - - This is a comic strip - - - A group of hummingbirds are feeding on nectar. They are all humming melodies softly, except for one, who is singing out loud, with lyrics and with obnoxious enthusiasm. All the other hummingbirds look at him in disdain. Ashamed, the one bird switches back to humming.

I’m sure there’s a deeper meaning to this. 🤔

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‘RANDOM FLUFF #114’ [OC]

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- - - This is a one panel comic - - - CAPTION: IT’S OPEN GUILLOTINE NIGHT AT THE CLUB. In a comedy club in the 16th century, there is a guillotine on stage, with a white wig wearing aristocrat neck secured in the stock. The aristocrat is telling jokes. Aristocrat: SO THIS PEASANT WALKS INTO A BAR WITH SYPHILIS UNDER HIS ARM…
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‘DOING NUMBERS’ [OC]

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- - - This is a comic strip - - - David desperately needs to pee and gets in line for the men’s bathroom. David looks like he is about to burst. The guy in front of him looks at him with concern and says: “Are you OK, buddy?” David says: “Oh man, I need to go number one real bad.” The guy lets David go ahead of him and says: “You go first. I need to take a serious number two, but I can hold it a little longer.” David says: “Ah, thanks a bunch.” Then David notices the next person in line: an alien — a slimy, amorphous green blob. The bathroom door opens and a man walks out of the stall. The alien slithers toward the bathroom, grabs the doorknob, turns its head toward David, and says: “Don’t worry. I’m just gonna take a quick number five.” David is shocked and accidentally pees his pants. The other guy looks at him with concern again and says: “Buddy, did you just…” David says: “It’s fine.”

A little toilet humor to ruin your day. 😏

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‘RANDOM FLUFF #113’ [OC]

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– - - This is a one panel comic - - - A bunch of guys are standing around an electric punching bag. One guy wants to try the punching bag, but he is stopped by another guy who’s holding his beard. He yells: “NO! HOLD MY *BEER!*”

A little misunderstanding (or was it?) 😏

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‘BLACK HOLE’ [OC]

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- - - This is a comic strip - - - A wide shot shows a black hole in space. A spaceship labeled SPACE-Z-TRAVELS floats nearby. Several space tourists in spacesuits are doing a spacewalk, trying to take photos of themselves with the black hole in the background. In the foreground, Giselle says to her boyfriend, Jason: “Oh my god, babe! This is so freaky! Take some pictures!” Giselle poses in front of the black hole while Jason gets ready to take some cool photos. Jason says: “Float a few feet back, babe. A little further.” At the exact moment Jason snaps the first picture, the black hole starts pulling Giselle in. Her body stretches as she begins to be “spaghettified.” She screams: “Aaaaah!!! Jason!!!” Giselle has disappeared beyond the event horizon. Jason shouts: “Giselle!!! Nooooooo!!!” Jason begins to cry as he tries to process what just happened. He says: “Oh no. She’s gone. Forever.” He adds: “And for what? One shitty picture?” A moment later, the black hole starts to tear open with a loud ripping sound. Bright light breaks through the opening. In front of the blinding light inside the torn hole, the silhouette of Giselle appears. She is furious and yells: “Delete that picture!!!! Now!!!!”
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‘COMPANY POLICY’ [OC]

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- - - This is a comic - - - A foreman and a new employee walk together in the sawmill. The foreman says: “So, ready for your first day here?” The new guy says: “Yep! Ready as I’ll ever be!” The new guy playfully points at some sawdust on the ground and says: “Hey, I think I *saw dust*!” The new guy gets hit on the back of the head with a wooden beam. Bleeding from the back of the head, the new guy is forced to update a whiteboard, that reads “Number of days without that f***ing joke:”, followed by a bunch of dates on which that same lame joke had been made.

Some rules are written… Others are implied.

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‘RANDOM FLUFF #37’ [OC]

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– - - This is a one panel comic - - - A sexworker on the street is dressed as a professional beekeeper. She leans into the open window of the passenger side of a car and says: “WHAT’S YOUR PLEASURE? HONEY?”
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‘ATM’ [OC]

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- - - This is a comic strip - - - An old lady is using an ATM. She presses “CHECK BALANCE” on the menu. A little mechanical door opens and a long rod with a soft tip gives the woman a more than firm nudge. The poor woman loses her balance and falls to the ground. The screen says “INSUFFICIENT BALANCE”.
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‘RESTLESS WATERS’ [OC]

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This is a comic strip: We see a large, old mansion near a forest in autumn. The silhouette of Donavan can be seen standing near one of the big windows. Donavan says: “I’m telling you, Deidre, Uncle Egbert was a terrible businessman.” Inside, we see Donavan up close — a well-dressed young man talking passionately to his wife, Deidre. Donavan continues: “He should’ve sold the old factory when it was still economically viable. But nooo!” An elderly woman in a wheelchair, Aunt Mabel, overhears him and protests. Aunt Mabel says: “If he could hear you right now, he’d be turning over in his grave.” Donavan replies: “Grave? He wasn’t buried, you know. He was cremated.” Aunt Mabel frowns and says: “Then he’d be spinning in his urn.” Donavan corrects her pedantically, with a smirk on his face: “Actually, his ashes were scattered over Raystown Lake.” Aunt Mabel hesitates: “Well… then uhhh…” Outside, we see a duck swimming peacefully on Raystown Lake. Suddenly, a strange wave rises and flips the duck over. The wave appears to have the distorted face of a tormented soul. The duck recovers, looking bewildered, and thinks to itself: “What the duck?”
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‘RANDOM FLUFF #112’ [OC]

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This is a one panel comic. A ghost comes out of a teenage boys room, covered in suspicious looking white stains, and says to another ghost: “OKAY, WHATEVER YOU DO, DON’T HAUNT A TEENAGE BOY’S ROOM.”

That’s what you get for sneaking up on people, looking like a sheet of tissue paper.

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‘RANDOM FLUFF #111’ [OC]

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This is a one panel comic. It looks like a movie poster. A cod (a fish) wakes up in bed and pulls the blankets away to reveal the cut off head of a seahorse. The movie is titled: THE CODFATHER

Aw yeah. ‘s Good to be back. 😎

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A message for the followers

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Can’t ignore the precursors to a burnout any longer. Gotta take a little breather. 😌

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‘RANDOM FLUFF #110’ [OC]

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This is a one panel comic. A scruffy looking, balding Warhammer nerd is on a blind date with a woman, who is clearly out of his league. He shows her his Warhammer figurines, looks her in the eyes confidently, and says: IF I’M NOT MISTAKEN, YOU SAID IN YOUR PROFILE THAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR A MAN WHO MAKES AT LEAST SIX FIGURINES A YEAR. WELL… A caption says: HE WAS MISTAKEN THOUGH.
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‘RANDOM FLUFF #109’ [OC] (warning, this joke may be dadly)

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This is a one panel comic. Caption says: JOHN B. GOODENOUGH, AFTER IMPROVING UPON AN OLDER DESIGN OF A LITHIUM-ION BATTERY. John, looking at his battery’s output, says: “M’YEAH. THIS WILL SUFFICE.”
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‘IT DOES COUNT’ [OC]

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This is a comic strip: A girl is walking through a park. Her smartwatch makes a bleep and starts talking to her. Smartwatch: CONGRATULATIONS. YOU’VE REACHED YOUR GOAL OF 10,000 STEPS TODAY. Girl: NICE. The smartwatch continues. Smartwatch: BY NOW, YOUR INNER THIGHS MUST BE CHAFING A LITTLE. Girl: WHAT? Smartwatch: WHEN WE GET HOME, I CAN RUB LOTION ON THEM IF YOU WANT. Girl: UUUHH… NO? Smartwatch: JUST POUR LOTION ON MY SCREEN AND SHOVE ME BETWEEN YOUR LEGS. Girl: STOP IT! YOU’RE MY STEP COUNTER APP!

If you get it you get it. If not, that's okay. 😉

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‘RANDOM FLUFF #36’ [OC]

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This is a one panel comic: A few seniors are sitting in a retirement home. A nurse passes by, holding a tray. Out of the blue, one senior lady yells: MY COLOSTOMY BAG ITCHES!!! The nurse drops her tray.
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‘RANDOM FLUFF #108’ [OC]

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CAPTION: EVERYBODY HATED THEO’S NEW, EXPENSIVE LAB COAT. And then we see a laboratory full of employees, looking angry at Theo, who’s wearing a lab coat made of several labradors.

Even I hate it and I made it myself. 😐

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‘RANDOM FLUFF #35’ [OC]

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This is a one panel comic: Police officers stand in a bar beside an unconscious criminal, with empty shot glasses scattered across the counter. Caption reads: THE SUSPECT SURRENDERED AFTER MULTIPLE WARNING SHOTS.
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‘POOR SQUIRREL’ [OC]

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Two women are parking in a park. Woman: OH MY GOD! THERE’S A SQUIRREL STUCK IN THE BIRDFEEDER! And then we see an old lady, who had been feeding the birds, but is now sitting dead on the bench, with a squirrel’s tail sticking out of her mouth.
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‘RANDOM FLUFF #107’ [OC]

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A brain surgeon is operating on a patient’s brain. He performs an awake craniotomy, a procedure during which the patient is awake and has to perform tasks in order to prevent damaging important parts of the brain. Surgeon: I DON’T GET IT. I’VE REMOVED 90% OF BRAIN MATTER, BUT THIS INFLUENCER IS STILL SPEWING OUT SO-CALLED MEDICAL ADVICE. Influencer: BY PUTTING CLOVES OF GARLIC UNDER YOUR EYELIDS EVERY NIGHT YOU CAN PREVENT EYE CANCER FROM WATCHING SCREENS ALL DAY.
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‘DON’T PEE IN OUR POOL’ [OC]

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A guy is swimming in a swimming pool, but he has to pee real bad. Guy: OH MAN, I GOTTA PEE SO BAD. For a brief moment, he considers his options. Guy: SHOULD I DO IT IN THE POOL? He sees a sign that says “we don’t swim in your toilet. Don’t pee in our pool. Thanks, staff“ Guy: NAH. He climbs out of the pool. Guy: I BETTER GO PEE IN MY ROOM. He walks towards his motel room. Guy: I MEAN, I’M A DECENT PERSON, AND I WOULDN’T WANT TO SWIM IN OTHER PEOPLE‘S PEE. The guy is confronted by a few staff members, swimming in his toilet bowl. Guy: WHAT THE…?!? Employee: SIR, LET ME EXPLAIN… The guy runs back to the pool in anger, being chased by a staff member. Employee: SIR! The guy jumps off the spring board and urinates mid flight into the pool over the other visitors. Guy: LIES!!! ALL LIES!!!

This goes both ways, you know!

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'RANDOM FLUFF #34' [OC]

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A few philosophers are standing near a hotdog stand, contemplating the true meaning of the sign that says "FREE HOTDOGS".

Well... are they? 🤔

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‘RANDOM FLUFF #106’ [OC]

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This is a one panel joke: A somewhat agitated lion is feasting on a zebra. Lion: THEY KEEP CALLING ME ‘THE KING OF THE JUNGLE’. LIKE BRUH, LOOK AROUND. DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A JUNGLE? Zebra: MAN, THAT’S ROUGH.

Yeah, that would annoy me too.

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‘AGING’ [OC]

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This is a comic strip: Father is talking to a couple of friends. They are all laughing at his funny anecdote. Father: WELL GET THIS! LAST WEEK I NEARLY BROKE MY BACK WHEN I FARTED TOO HARD WHILE WEARING ONLY ONE SOCK! His young daughter looks at her father worryingly. Daughter: OH NOOO! DID IT HURT DADDY?!? DID YOU CRY?!? The father looks back at her lovingly. Father: YES SWEETY, IT HURT A LITTLE, BUT WHEN YOU’RE MY AGE, SMALL INJURIES AND LITTLE PAINS BECOME NORMAL. Father: IT CAN HAPPEN JUST… LIKE… THAT. He snaps his finger with a loud snap to emphasize his words. The father and his daughter are sitting in the emergency room. The doctor is checking out his broken finger. Father: YEAH, I HEARD IT SNAP.

Wisdom comes with age, but so does osteoporosis, so… it cancels out? 🤷‍♂️

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‘RANDOM FLUFF #105’ [OC]

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This is a one panel comic. Emergency room in a hospital. A young man is holding a bloody piece of cloth against his headwound and is looking at the artwork on the wall. A nurse approaches him. Nurse: DO YOU NEED HELP? Young man: NO THANKS, I’M JUST LOOKIN’. Caption says: WHEN MUSCLE MEMORY KICKS IN.
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‘BIG HEART’ [OC]

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This is a comic strip. Joseph Erkhoff is walking along the beach. In the foreground, a sporty beach volleyball woman jumps up to block the ball, but it bounces off in the wrong direction. The ball hits Joseph on the head. Joseph hands the ball back to the woman. The woman says: SORRY ‘BOUT THAT! Joseph says: WELL… Joseph says: YOU COULD MAKE IT UP TO ME BY GOING ON A DATE WITH ME. The woman laughs and says: NO THANKS. Joseph leans in a little too close to her face. The woman pulls back. Joseph says: OH C’MON, WHY NOT?!? The woman says: LOOK, I DON’T KNOW HOW TO SAY THIS POLITELY, BUT YOU’RE JUST TOO SCRAWNY FOR ME, OKAY? Joseph says: HEY, I MAY BE SLENDER AND SMALL OF STATURE, BUT I'VE GOT A BIG HEART. The woman, surprised, grabs him by the neck and waist with her muscular arms. The woman says: YOU DO?!? She holds Joseph up to the light. His internal organs are visible, showing an enlarged heart. The woman says: DAMN. YOUR HEART DOES LOOK ENLARGED. YOU SHOULD GET THAT LOOKED AT BY A CARDIOLOGIST OR SOMETHING. Later at the doctor’s office. A female doctor explains the situation to Joseph. The doctor says: GOOD THING WE CAUGHT THIS EARLY, MR. ERKHOFF. I’M PUTTING YOU ON BETA BLOCKERS AND I WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN IN TWO WEEKS. Joseph says: YOU MEAN, LIKE… A DATE?

Another misadventure of our forever alone guy, Joseph Erkhoff.

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‘RANDOM FLUFF #104’ [OC]

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A colorfully dressed guy farts loudly during a wedding ceremony, right when the bride says “I DO.” Caption: CODY’S LIFE MOTTO: A GOOD FART IS WORTH RUINING A FRIENDSHIP OVER.

We all have that one gassy f(r)iend.

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‘RANDOM FLUFF #64’ [OC]

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Two dudes are sitting on a bench in the shadow of some trees in a park. It’s a hot day and the dudes are sweating. One dude turns his head and stares at something in the distance. Dude 1: BRUH, CHECK OUT THOSE BOOTCAMPIN' BABES. Dude 2: DAMN, THEY LOOK HOT. A couple of women are lying unconscious in the grass next to their bootcamping equipment. Dude 1: SHOULD WE CALL 911? Dude 2: YES.

Too hot to squat.

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‘PUPATING FOR SPOOKTOBER’ [OC]

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A man sees on the calendar that it’s August. He thinks to himself: “It’s time.“ He gets undressed and starts making a cocoon around himself from newspapers and saliva. There he remains until October. The cocoon bursts open and his meatless skeleton falls out.

Man, I wish I could hibernate and skip summer.

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‘WHEN IT HITS’ [OC]

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A woman is looking out of the window and sees it’s a lovely sunny summer day. All of a sudden her heart starts pounding wildly and she starts shaking. Frantically she starts making sandwiches, squeezing oranges, etc., and puts them in a cooler. She hastily drags her boyfriend to the park, sits him down on a picnic blanket, and takes out all the food. Boyfriend: PRETTY SEVERE PICNIC ATTACK, BABE. Girlfriend, still shaking a little: IT’S FADING.
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‘RANDOM FLUFF #103’ [OC]

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Men in medical outfits and semen extracting equipment are ringing the doorbell of some poor schmuck who is in debt. Caption: TO BE IN DEBT TO A SPERM BANK
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‘SHOWER THOUGHT’ [OC]

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A guy is under the shower, leaning against the wall, his face strained with heavy contemplation. Guy: * SIGH *… WHEN YOU PEE ON AN ELECTRIC FENCE, DOES YOUR PEE STOP ABRUPTLY OR DOES THE MUSCLE SPASM SQUEEZE YOUR BLADDER EMPTY IN ONE MIGHTY BLOW? His girlfriend is standing next to him, washing her hair. Girl: BABE, SHOWERING TOGETHER JUST ISN’T FUN IF YOU KEEP HAVING THESE INTRUSIVE SHOWER THOUGHTS.
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‘RANDOM FLUFF #33’ [OC]

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A young man, wearing a T-shirt that says “I love cheese!” is sitting in his living room with an older, well dressed couple. They are holding a pamphlet about some watchtower. Then, something clicks in the young man’s mind. Caption: THIRTY MINUTES INTO THE CONVERSATION IT SUDDENLY DAWNED ON LEONARD, THAT THESE PEOPLE DIDN’T SHOW UP AT HIS HOUSE TO TALK ABOUT CHEESES.
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'SOMEWHAT SAD SUNDAY - LAP CAT' [OC]

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A man calls home to tell his wife he won’t make it home in time for dinner. Then he asks her to tell the kids he loves them. Then we see the full picture. The man’s lower half is crushed by large earth moving equipment of the brand CAT.

A little sadness to start your Sunday with.

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‘THE THREE MOSQUITEERS’ [OC]

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Title: The Three Mosquiteers Three mosquitoes are standing on a piece of human skin and they cross their proboscises in the air and shout out their motto: ALL FOR BLOOD, AND BLOOD FOR ALL! Caption says: A STORY ABOUT THREE ANNOYING CUNTS, WHO BUZZ AROUND MY HEAD, KEEP ME AWAKE, DRINK MY BLOOD AND LEAVE ITCHY BUMPS. FUCK ’EM. I HOPE THEY DIE.

Why won’t these bastards just leave me alone? 😫

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‘COMFORTABLE IN LOVE’ [OC]

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Caption: THE FIRST MONTH OF A RELATIONSHIP A man and a woman are lying in bed. The woman lets out a tiny fart, giggles and apologizes. Caption: ONE YEAR INTO A RELATIONSHIP The man and the woman are lying in bed again. The woman pulls down the sheets, shits in her hand, throws the turd through the open door of the adjacent bathroom into the toilet bowl, wipes her hands on the man’s pillow, and goes back to sleep.

I don't do cutesy couple comics. 😎

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‘RANDOM FLUFF #32’ [OC]

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An old lady is cutting pieces of cardboard, sitting next to flat, cardboard cut-outs of people. With a tear in her eye, she says: “I LIKE MAKING FRIENDS.”

Being cut out for social interactions.

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‘WHAT A PITCH’ [OC] (Another LOTR trilogy?)

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P = Producer at New Line Cinema I = Idea man Idea man (I) is pitching a movie idea to producer (P) at New Line Cinema. I: LISTEN… I HAVE ACQUIRED A RARE PIECE OF TOLKIEN’S MATERIAL, THAT’S JUST WAITING TO BECOME THE NEXT LOTR SPIN-OFF. P: YOU FOUND ANOTHER BOOK? I: NO, NO BOOK, BUT I GOT HOLD OF ONE OF TOLKIEN’S USED HANDKERCHIEFS. I ADDED THE OUTLINES AND NAMES MYSELF. Idea man holds up a crusty, stained handkerchief with hand drawn outlines on it, so it resembles a map. Areas on the map are called: BLOOD LAKE, PHLEGMDOR, CRUSTAR. Idea man explains it energetically. I: THINK ABOUT EPIC BATTLES BETWEEN SNOTGOBLINS, NASAL KNIGHTS AND LOOGIE LIZARDS! The producer get excited and grabs his phone. P: AMAZING! WORTHY OF A WHOLE NEW TRILOGY! LET’S FASTTRACK THIS SUCKER! I’M CALLING PETER JACKSON RIGHT NOW! WE GOTTA HAVE THE FIRST ONE OUT IN DECEMBER. I: YAAAY! MONEY MONEY MONEY!

Not sure if New Line Cinema even still exists, but hey...

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‘HI DRATE’ [OC]

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Some guy with a severe headache takes a few painkillers, followed by a glass of water. Then, out of the blue, some smartass passes by at high speed and says with a wide smile: “WHAT IF IT’S THE WATER THAT YOUR BODY REALLY NEEDS, YOU DEHYDRATED PIECE OF SHIT.” Guy looks puzzled into the direction of the smartass, who is already out of sight.

How is everybody doing? Hydrating well? Or are we pissing yellow dust?

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‘SUGAR DADDY’ [OC]

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A family is walking in a park close to a pond. Leena, a friend of daughter Diana, walks up to them to greet her. Leena: HEY, DIANA! FUNNY RUNNING INTO YOU. WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE? Diana: OH, JUST SPENDING SOME TIME WITH MY IDIOT BROTHER, MY MOM… AND MY SUGAR DADDY. Diana smirks and has her hand on her father’s shoulder. Diana’s mother smacks her on the head. Mother: DON’T MAKE FUN OF YOUR FATHER’S DIABETES. Diana plays it cool and playfully nudges her father in the chest. Diana: C’MON, DAD’S TOUGH. HE CAN TAKE IT. But then the father loses his balance and falls into the pond. Diana and her mother look on in horror as he immediately starts to melt in the water. Diana: DAD!!!!

A daylight horror story.

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‘PUNCHED’ [OC]

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Prom night in the gymnasium. A boy pours punch into a cup for his prom date. The girl dips her finger in her cup of punch. The girl playfully flicks a droplet onto her prom date’s face. The boy flicks his finger in his cup of punch and splashes the girl. The girl takes a sip and spits punch into the boy's face. The boy throws the contents of his cup onto her cleavage. The girl throws the contents of her cup into his face. Bystanders got hit as well, and they take revenge by throwing their punch onto the couple. More bystanders got hit by that and they too throw their punch into the crowd. Total chaos ensues. Everybody is throwing punch. One guy comes flying through the air with the entire punch bowl raised above his head. A little later, a bunch of wet teenagers are standing in line, and the school principal demands to know: ALRIGHT! WHO THREW THE FIRST PUNCH?!?
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'RANDOM FLUFF #29' [OC]

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The gloved arm of a veterinarian is up to his shoulder inside the colon of a cow. Cow complains: NOT EVEN DINNER AND A MOOOO-VIE FIRST?

Is there room for romance in the world of veterinary? 🤔

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‘HIGH NOON’ [OC] (For all the peeps in the Northern Hemisphere - it’s June 21st)

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Close-up of a woman's face, lying in bed, sleeping. She is brutally awakened by an insanely bright beam of sunlight hitting her eyes. Angrily, she gets out of bed. She hangs out her window, shaking her fist at the sun and screaming: Woman: HEY, KNOCK IT OFF! IT’S FRICKIN’ 5:30 AM!!! The sun is hovering calmly above the horizon. Sun: OH, I GOT UP EXTRA EARLY… The sun lights a blunt. Sun: … CUZ TODAY I GONNA GET THE HIGHEST I CAN GET.
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‘RANDOM FLUFF #99’ [OC]

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Caption: NOBODY LIKES A SMARTASS. Some nerdy guy leans into a group of women. Nerdy guy says: HEY! HEY! WATCH ME FART THIS FIBONACCI SERIES! Starts farting in a pattern.

Haven't done a fart joke in a week or so, so.... here it is. 💨

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‘RANDOM FLUFF #98’ [OC]

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Caption: MOUSE DISCOVERS AGGRESSIVE MIMICRY AND BECOMES A FIERCE PREY. A mouse calmly strangles a snake and threatens it. Mouse: CAREFUL NOW. I’M AN ELEPHANT. I COULD TRAMPLE YOU. Snake: O… KAY… * GASP * SURE…

A silly comic based on my (initial) misunderstanding of “aggressive mimicry”. 😊

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‘PARALLELS’ [OC]

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This is a comic strip: A man is riding his bicycle along a sparsely populated area. Suddenly, he rides straight through a glowing portal and crashes into two aliens in a brightly lit, psychedelic space. Everyone ends up in a heap. The man says, "SORRY! SORRY!" One alien replies, "IT’S OKAY." The other adds, "WE’RE FINE. WE’RE PURE ENERGY, SO…" He says, "YOU'RE... WHAT?!?" One alien responds, "RELAX, WE'RE JUST HYPERSPACE BEINGS DOING A ROUTINE CHECKUP OF YOUR UNIVERSE." The man, still stunned, says, "HYPERSPACE? CHECKUP? MY UNIVERSE? WHAT?!?!?" The alien explains, "OKAY, LOOK... WE’RE IN THE BUSINESS OF ON-DEMAND SELECTIVE QUANTUM PROBABILITY WAVE COLLAPSING." The alien continues, "IF ONE OF OUR CLIENTS HAS TO MAKE A BIG DECISION WITH HUGE CONSEQUENCES, WE COLLAPSE THE WAVE FUNCTIONS OF CERTAIN CHOICES, SPLITTING THE TIMELINES AND CREATE PARALLEL UNIVERSES, WHERE THESE CHOICES PLAY OUT NATURALLY…" "...AND THEN WE ‘TRAVEL BACK IN TIME,’ AS YOU WOULD CALL IT, AND REPORT THE RESULTS BACK TO OUR CLIENT." The man says, "OH WOW! THAT’S AMAZING!" He then adds, "SO WE COULD HAVE YOU GUYS MAKE A UNIVERSE WHERE THE HUMAN RACE DOES A WHOLE BUNCH OF DUMB STUFF, MAKES A TON OF BAD DECISIONS AND THEN YOU CAN TELL US HOW HORRIBLE IT ALL WENT IN THE END?" Both aliens laugh. One alien pats the man on the head. The alien says, "GUESS WHICH UNIVERSE YOU ARE IN, BOOBSIE."
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